Psoriasis........... how I hate thee!

Update: 27th Sept 2011 

I have removed some of the images from my blog as there are some weirdos out there and I don't want my pics being used!

I decided to write a quick post on my psoriasis, especially after all the coverage its gotten in the last couple of weeks, mainly thanks to Kim Kardashian being diagnosed with it.  I've had psoriasis since I was 5 years of age and to be honest I wouldn't wish it on anyone!  I had an awful time during school, especially secondary school.  I didn't have many friends and a lot of people were horrible to me, calling me 'scabies'.  I spent a lot of time in hospital over the years getting covered in head to toe with creams, then bandaged up like a mummy.  Its came and went over the years but since I've finished chemo its come back with a vengeance!  I'm currently getting PUVA or light treatment in SVUH Dublin and although I've only had 5 sessions so far, I can already see a difference!   Because Aaron is 5 now, I'm always checking him to make sure he has no spots, even though they say that it skips a generation, I know I will always keep a close eye on the two boys and hope to god that neither of them get it!

Psoriasis has had a big effect on my life, I can't (won't) go out in short sleeves or skirts/shorts simply because I know people will be talking about it and staring.  Its happened before, we were in Trabolgan a couple of years ago when I overheard 2 women in the changing room talking about me which wasn't very nice! I haven't been in a swimming pool or the sea for years and as for wearing nice clothes, forget it! It itches and is sore as hell when its rubbing off your clothes.  I have it everywhere, even in my eyebrows! I was on methothrexate a few years ago and that cleared my skin completely but then myself and G decided to have another baby so I had to stop taking it as its a form of chemo and is also used to treat cancer!  I was clear for about a year and it was so great to be able to wear nice clothes! I went to christmas parties and was able to wear strapless dresses and actually feel good about myself! I'm hoping that I can get clear enough to go to Funtasia in the next few weeks and actually go swimming and have some fun with my little men, we're supposed to be going next weekend but the thought of not being able to get into the water with them and have a splashing good time has actually brought tears to my eyes more than once in the last few days alone!

I hope none of you mind these photos but I don't think people out there realise how bad my skin is and what I have to put up with! Feel free to ask any questions you have about psoriasis!  Sorry about the quality of some of the photos as its actually hard to take a photo of your own back believe it or not!

messing with makeup!

I was up in hospital again this morning for round 5 of PUVA and I had a huge 20 seconds of UV exposure!! So I've had over 10 hours of travelling so far for a grand total of 1 minute and 20 seconds of UV light! I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it though!
The bus got stuck in traffic on the way up (whats new there!) so I got to the hospital about 10 minutes later than I did last friday.  As usual the nurses took me straight in but by the time I was dressed and back out at the bus stop it was 11.55 and I'd missed the bus, which normally arrives at 11.50. Sooooo, I had to wait around for an hour for the next bus which was kinda a pain but what can you do!
Arrived home and had a little mess with my makeup and here was the result!

Foundation only

I know its very bright and the lips don't really go but sure its only a bit of fun!

My 120 Palette, haven't used it in a while so I thought I'd use it!

I use this eyeshadow every day now to fill in my brows!

Rimmel Sugar Plum lipstick!

So then I decided to play a little more and put on something that I'd be brave enough to actually wear out of the house! I used Collection 2000 Dazzle Me eyedust in 'Enigma' and a bit of Inglot black eyeshadow on the corners.  I used Mac Sharkskin shadestick as a base because I haven't used it in FOREVER!!!  I love the Collection 2000 Dazzle Me's, they're excellent quality and a fraction of the price of Mac!!

And finally here's a couple of photos from yesterday, I used my new Inglot palette!!

Wearing my glasses cos I ran out of contacts!

Losing my hair.... but keeping those chins up!

Last night I was lying in bed (I usually never go asleep before G comes up because he usually ends up scaring the bejesus out of me - on purpose of course!) and I was thinking about hair.  I heard somebody saying the other day that having to lose their hair was the worst part of cancer/chemo.  But to be honest, it didn't really bother me that much!  When my oncologist told me I'd be losing my hair I wasn't overly worried, I was more concerned about my eyebrows and eyelashes!!
I remember the last time I straightened my hair.... it was on January 1st, the day of my sponsored headshave.  It had started falling out a few days before and I was sitting at the kitchen table on my own (everyone else was in the sitting room watching a match or something) with my GHD in my hand trying my best not to pull on the hair and make even more of it come out!!  I was a bit sad I suppose but I didn't cry or anything over it.  I don't remember much of the headshave, there was music and waxing but I just couldn't wait for the shaving to be over and done with! Eventually they were ready to go and I had asked to go first so myself and Josephine (my aunt who was determined to shave her head too!) went first.  She was shaking like a leaf and squeezign the hand off me but all I can remember doing is laughing! I remember grabbing G's hand as Jo-Ann cut lumps of hair off and when he squeezed my hand back I knew everything was going to be ok! By the time my hair had been cut short enough to shave, Joe's was shaved and all but I had loads of hair so it took that bit longer!  There were so many people around taking pictures and I felt like a celebrity with all the flashes going off!
Eventually it was all over and G just came over and gave me a big hug.  So many people were coming up to me and telling me that I was beautiful and that I didn't need hair! Little did they know that I had spent over an hour doing my makeup and even wore lashes so that my eyes really stood out!!  I was able to watch everyone else then getting shaved and I didn't feel so bad when there were a few more baldies in the pub!
Aaron and Ryan were down in my da's and it was soooo cold walking down the road that I put G's coat over my head! Aaron didn't get much of a shock when he seen me because I had told him what was going to happen.  Ryan woke up when we were going home and he just started slapping my bald head!!
A couple of weeks later G shaved my head with shaving foam and a razor because I was leaving bits of hair EVERYWHERE!!  Then when my eyebrows and eyelashes fell out and I looked at myself in the mirror, THATS when I looked like I had cancer! My hair started coming back almost as soon as I finished chemo and now 6 months later I have a lovely afro!! Of course I miss my old hair and I do get upset and have a little cry over it sometimes but I know it will grow back and be frizzier than ever!
For any of you out there who are bald at the minute, just remember that your family and friends love you no matter if you have hair or not and they will always be there for you!! I used to go through conditioner like there was no tomorrow but I've had the same bottle since October now and its still half full! And think of the money I've saved on hair dye!!  You have to see the positive things in these situations!  We raised almost €6,000 (€2905 each for the camogie team and Arklow cancer support) doing that headshave and I'm delighted that I was able to raise that much!!!
I'm going to write another post on psoriasis later on, now THAT gets me down!!!

Me and G!

Before the chop!!

During the chop!

Still being chopped!

Nearly there!

Almost!!!!

Still going??

G's turn!

Me and my sis!

G bald!!

This was taken the other day, almost 6 months after finishing chemo!

Friday face!!

I had my 3rd session of PUVA this morning so I couldn't wear any make up to hospital.  Couldn't wait to get home and put some on and make myself look human! Now I know that there are a lot of people out there who are beautiful with or without makeup but I am not one of them!! I look like an alien gone wrong when I'm not wearing any and it always makes me feel more confident when I have at least mascara and eyeliner on!
I tried out a pink and brown look first but it was manky so I cleaned it off and started again!  I used my ELF primer, then a silver Catrice eyeshadow which I mixed with some eyedrops to make it super bright! I then used a couple of colours from my Inglot palette (you'll be seeing a lot of this palette in the next few weeks!!), a dark brown and black for the crease.  On my lips I used Barry M lipstick and lipgloss and Mac springsheen blusher.
Hope you like it!!
Then I decided to do my nails so I used a Catrice nail varnish which I bought a while back and my OPI black shatter and Barry M topcoat!  My OPI is getting a bit thick and gloopy now, does anyone out there have any tips on how to revive it? I'd love to hear from you!!

Swatches from my Inglot palette!

More Inglot swatches!

I have to wear glasses with a UV tint for 12 hours after PUVA so excuse the tint!!

G keeps calling me 'afroman' and singing 'because I got high'!! Its getting higher every day,  I must be 5ft8 by now!!!