Another catch up post!

I had my 2 week post-op checkup on friday and the plastic surgeon was very happy with how rounded my boob looks now so the next stage is to come back in 3 months time to discuss nipple reconstruction!  I know its gonna be a few months before its all done and matching up again but I'm looking forward to it!

I haven't been reading as many blogs lately and I know I haven't done any tutorials in forever but I'm hoping to get back to normal soon! Its almost a year now since I finished chemo but my energy levels are still zero!

Poor Ryan hasn't been well all week, he has a chest infection and his nose is like a tap! He's on the mend now though and after 6 nights of no sleep, we've all slept better the last couple of nights! Aaron had the dose on his 6th birthday the poor pet but thankfully he's ok now too!  However, I'm feeling like death warmed up at the minute and am starting to cough as well so I've started popping pills to try kill it off before it gets too cosy!!  It took me 6 weeks to shift the dose I had before christmas, my immune system must still be low!

I want to post about the new bits I've picked up but may wait til I'm on the laptop as I can't seem to upload photos on my tablet!I've gotten a couple of new brushes which I'm loving!   I got a couple of Inglot brushes and a Real Teachniques one!

I also want to post some photos of the birthday cakes I made for the boys!  G is gonna be 32 next month and I'm going to make him a Man United jersey shaped cake so that should be fun! I'll have to pick up some more red food colouring on ebay and some edible man utd cupcake toppers to use as the crest on the cake!  I'm sitting here trying to think of something nice to bake tomorrow for valentines day, I THINK I'm gonna do a sponge cake with baileys buttercream but that could all change, you never know with me!

Plastic Surgery!

Hey everyone, hope youre all keeping well! As many of you know, its just over a year now since I had my mastectomy and reconstruction done in St Vincents hospital.  I went to see my doctor/surgeon during the summer and she said that she would refer me to a plastic surgeon as my reconstructed boob is slightly 'square' shaped and while it doesnt bother me enormously obviously I would like to be able to wear vest tops and swimsuits or bikinis (if I win the lotto and have the money to go on holiday) and with any luck I will be around for at least another thirty years so I would like my boobs to have a nice shape! I seen the plastic surgeon in November and he said that he would be able to take some of the tissue out and give me a rounder shape. That's the first step in my plastic surgery, which will be taking place in 2 weeks time on Jan 27th. Its only a day operation so hopefully my recovery won't be too long! The only part I'm worried about is lifting Ryan and managing the buggy up and down the steps at home!
After the swelling etc has gone down I will be having another operation in which they will be giving me a new nipple! At the minute I have a patch of skin which was taken from my back where my nipple used to be.  To be honest I never really notice that I'm missing one!  After that operation I will have some surgery on my other boob (my good one!) as at the minute I have one hard one and one soft one so I will be getting an implant in my left boob to match them up! They're also slightly different sizes at the minute so I've opted to go for the bigger size of my reconstructed boob instead of my smaller real one so I can look forward to some bra shopping! Its going to be a busy few months for me surgery-wise and although I'm super nervous I'm also looking forward to getting my body back to the way it used to be! I suppose I'm getting the boob job I always talked about!
I know I should be really just thankful that I'm alive and here but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be happy with how your body looks! I wonder if they would do a bit of lip on my mummy tummy while I'm knocked out? Hmmmmmm..........
Once again, thanks for reading!

Psoriasis........... how I hate thee!

Update: 27th Sept 2011 

I have removed some of the images from my blog as there are some weirdos out there and I don't want my pics being used!

I decided to write a quick post on my psoriasis, especially after all the coverage its gotten in the last couple of weeks, mainly thanks to Kim Kardashian being diagnosed with it.  I've had psoriasis since I was 5 years of age and to be honest I wouldn't wish it on anyone!  I had an awful time during school, especially secondary school.  I didn't have many friends and a lot of people were horrible to me, calling me 'scabies'.  I spent a lot of time in hospital over the years getting covered in head to toe with creams, then bandaged up like a mummy.  Its came and went over the years but since I've finished chemo its come back with a vengeance!  I'm currently getting PUVA or light treatment in SVUH Dublin and although I've only had 5 sessions so far, I can already see a difference!   Because Aaron is 5 now, I'm always checking him to make sure he has no spots, even though they say that it skips a generation, I know I will always keep a close eye on the two boys and hope to god that neither of them get it!

Psoriasis has had a big effect on my life, I can't (won't) go out in short sleeves or skirts/shorts simply because I know people will be talking about it and staring.  Its happened before, we were in Trabolgan a couple of years ago when I overheard 2 women in the changing room talking about me which wasn't very nice! I haven't been in a swimming pool or the sea for years and as for wearing nice clothes, forget it! It itches and is sore as hell when its rubbing off your clothes.  I have it everywhere, even in my eyebrows! I was on methothrexate a few years ago and that cleared my skin completely but then myself and G decided to have another baby so I had to stop taking it as its a form of chemo and is also used to treat cancer!  I was clear for about a year and it was so great to be able to wear nice clothes! I went to christmas parties and was able to wear strapless dresses and actually feel good about myself! I'm hoping that I can get clear enough to go to Funtasia in the next few weeks and actually go swimming and have some fun with my little men, we're supposed to be going next weekend but the thought of not being able to get into the water with them and have a splashing good time has actually brought tears to my eyes more than once in the last few days alone!

I hope none of you mind these photos but I don't think people out there realise how bad my skin is and what I have to put up with! Feel free to ask any questions you have about psoriasis!  Sorry about the quality of some of the photos as its actually hard to take a photo of your own back believe it or not!

Losing my hair.... but keeping those chins up!

Last night I was lying in bed (I usually never go asleep before G comes up because he usually ends up scaring the bejesus out of me - on purpose of course!) and I was thinking about hair.  I heard somebody saying the other day that having to lose their hair was the worst part of cancer/chemo.  But to be honest, it didn't really bother me that much!  When my oncologist told me I'd be losing my hair I wasn't overly worried, I was more concerned about my eyebrows and eyelashes!!
I remember the last time I straightened my hair.... it was on January 1st, the day of my sponsored headshave.  It had started falling out a few days before and I was sitting at the kitchen table on my own (everyone else was in the sitting room watching a match or something) with my GHD in my hand trying my best not to pull on the hair and make even more of it come out!!  I was a bit sad I suppose but I didn't cry or anything over it.  I don't remember much of the headshave, there was music and waxing but I just couldn't wait for the shaving to be over and done with! Eventually they were ready to go and I had asked to go first so myself and Josephine (my aunt who was determined to shave her head too!) went first.  She was shaking like a leaf and squeezign the hand off me but all I can remember doing is laughing! I remember grabbing G's hand as Jo-Ann cut lumps of hair off and when he squeezed my hand back I knew everything was going to be ok! By the time my hair had been cut short enough to shave, Joe's was shaved and all but I had loads of hair so it took that bit longer!  There were so many people around taking pictures and I felt like a celebrity with all the flashes going off!
Eventually it was all over and G just came over and gave me a big hug.  So many people were coming up to me and telling me that I was beautiful and that I didn't need hair! Little did they know that I had spent over an hour doing my makeup and even wore lashes so that my eyes really stood out!!  I was able to watch everyone else then getting shaved and I didn't feel so bad when there were a few more baldies in the pub!
Aaron and Ryan were down in my da's and it was soooo cold walking down the road that I put G's coat over my head! Aaron didn't get much of a shock when he seen me because I had told him what was going to happen.  Ryan woke up when we were going home and he just started slapping my bald head!!
A couple of weeks later G shaved my head with shaving foam and a razor because I was leaving bits of hair EVERYWHERE!!  Then when my eyebrows and eyelashes fell out and I looked at myself in the mirror, THATS when I looked like I had cancer! My hair started coming back almost as soon as I finished chemo and now 6 months later I have a lovely afro!! Of course I miss my old hair and I do get upset and have a little cry over it sometimes but I know it will grow back and be frizzier than ever!
For any of you out there who are bald at the minute, just remember that your family and friends love you no matter if you have hair or not and they will always be there for you!! I used to go through conditioner like there was no tomorrow but I've had the same bottle since October now and its still half full! And think of the money I've saved on hair dye!!  You have to see the positive things in these situations!  We raised almost €6,000 (€2905 each for the camogie team and Arklow cancer support) doing that headshave and I'm delighted that I was able to raise that much!!!
I'm going to write another post on psoriasis later on, now THAT gets me down!!!

Me and G!

Before the chop!!

During the chop!

Still being chopped!

Nearly there!

Almost!!!!

Still going??

G's turn!

Me and my sis!

G bald!!

This was taken the other day, almost 6 months after finishing chemo!

Its AUGUST??

I can't believe its August already! I was thinking yesterday that I had seen a lot of St Vincents in the last 6 months when I realised its already been 10 months since I was diagnosed! That time has flown by!! Aaron only has 3 more weeks off after this week and then he'll be off to senior infants!  I was driving again on Monday and G had me going around roundabouts and everything! I'm getting better and hopefully will be confident enough to be out on the roads soon!
I was back in hospital yesterday for my 2nd round of light treatment and I had 15 seconds again but do you know what?  I think its working!! It seems to be less red and not as flaky looking so hopefully it will clear up fairly quickly for me! Fingers crossed! My friend Aimee drove me up yesterday so it was great to have someone to chat to and not be billy-no-mates on the bus!  We decided to go to Dundrum after for a quick spin because I hadn't had any breakfast and was starving at this stage!
It only took a few minutes to get to Dundrum from the hospital and the second we walked in we were at the INGLOT stand! It was like fate!!!  I had a 20% off text from the Meteor goodie bag so I decided to get a 10 square palette in smokey colours.  For anyone who doesn't know how Inglot work its fairly simple, they call it the 'freedom system' and you can pick round eyeshadows, square ones, or you can have a mix of eyeshadows and lip stuff or even face stuff! They have all different kinds of magnetic palettes and the metal pans just pop into them!  Its brilliant and they are a lot cheaper than Mac but are even better quality I think!  The 10 palette was €55 but with the discount it was only €44 which isn't bad for a palette and ten eyeshadows! My Mac palette which has 15 eyeshadows was over €200 and the eyeshadows were smaller than the Inglot ones!

We went into Hairspray which is a wig/hair/nail shop and I spotted these nail varnishes which were only €3 each!  I had seen a China Glaze neon yellow colour and this looked fairly similar so I thought I'd try it out!  I only realised when I got home that I have a Catrice pink that almost the same!  Why do I always do that?????

And of course we had to run into Boots and I picked these up! The lip gloss is lovely and I have it on in the pictures below! The crayon is gorgeous and has glittery bits in it, I'll do swatches of it later!

Today I'm wearing 17 Foundation which I found in EXTRA FAIR!! First time I've ever seen that and I was delighted! It doesn't cover all my freckles or anything but I thought I'd give it a go and its not too bad! On my eyes I have the silver, purple, white and black from my Inglot palette with Essence mascara and Bourjois Ultra black eyeliner.  I have my ELF blusher on and the new Barry M lipgloss!

I have now put a ban on myself for at least one month from buying ANY make up!  I do NOT need any more!!

Good News!

Well, I've been busy this week with hospital visits! I went to St Vincents on Monday for testing before I can start PUVA.  Basically I had to lie in a bath of a liquid called Psoralen for 10 minutes so that my skin will absorb more UV light.  Then I was taken into a room where a nurse put a sheet on my back with 8 'windows' in it and she done the UV test on me which involved a 'window' being closed every 10 seconds or so.  My skin was marked with dots to show where I was exposed to the light and I was told to come back at the same time Thursday so they could have a look at my skin and see if it burnt or anything and then they could find my starting time for the UV light from the test.
After I was finished I called upstairs to the breast care nurses and told them that I had been turned down for genetic testing and that I'd like to see my breast surgeon, Ms Rothwell, about lifting my other boob to match my bionic one!  So, they told me to come up when I was finished in the Dermatology dept on Thursday which was great as you could be waiting months for an appointment sometimes!

Thursday came and I took a quick trip into the city centre for some new net curtains before coming back to the hospital to start my treatment.  I got changed into my dressing gown and flip flops and went into the examination room.  The nurses (who are all LOVELY by the way!) checked out my back and although I didn't think I had burned at all, they noticed that the skin on a couple of the squares was a bit red.  They then decided that my starting time on the UV machine (which looks just like a stand up sunbed) would be 15 SECONDS!! I know it doesn't sound like much but I can actually see a bit of difference in my skin already! The flakes will go first, then the redness will start to disappear so hopefully it'll be fairly clear in a couple of months!  You can't wear makeup, perfume or deodorant before your treatment so it was fairly daunting going out into the world without my eyebrows filled in or wearing at least mascara and eyeliner!  I wore a hat yesterday and will be wearing one from now on!

When I was finished I went upstairs to see Ms Rothwell (who is the surgeon that done my mastectomy and reconstruction last year) and explained to her that I had been turned down for genetic testing as I had no family history of breast cancer and that I would like to proceed with my other boob job.  She said that there was probably about a 10% chance of my having the BCRA-1 or 2 gene but that she would refer me to a gynaecologist in Holles St so they could keep an eye on me as if I did have the gene there would be a 50% chance of me getting ovarian cancer (it also gives you a whopping 85% chance of getting breast cancer).  She examined me and said that there wasn't an awful lot of difference in my boobs but that because I'm so young she would refer me to a cosmetic surgeon and she said that he will give me an implant (so I haven't got one soft boob and one hard one!) and bring me up a cup size too!  She also said that I will be able to get a reconstruction on my nipple which involves twisting a piece of skin into a nipple shape and then they tattoo the colour onto it for you!  Hopefully I'll have it all done before christmas!  Ms Rothwell was very happy with me overall and I gave her a big hug when I was leaving and thanked her for saving my life!

So I've lots to look forward to!  The thought of another operation doesn't bother me at all, I'm well used to it now!  If I can get my skin cleared up I'll be delighted and if I have 2 boobs that more or less match then I'll be over the moon altogether!!

15 days wigless!!

I haven't worn my wig for over 2 weeks now!! I've been wearing a hat or going without it and even though I have a load of grey hair I couldn't care less.  I HAVE HAIR!!!! I do feel a bit self conscious going out without a wig or hat because I'm not used to people actually looking at my short hair - which is really curly by the way!!- but I'm not wearing the wig any more and thats that!  Aaron asked me what should he say if any of his friends ask why my hair is so short but I told him that some women have hair this short and just tell them that I got my hair cut! I said he didn't have to tell them any more than that! He's gone very worried about me though, I recently spent a night in A&E with mammy and when G came to collect us Aaron thought that I was in hospital because 'my bad cells were back'! The poor pet!
We had a lovely first wedding anniversary, mammy cooked us dinner in my sisters house and it was great to get dinner handed up to you for a change!
I got an appointment to see my dermatologist in Vincents in July, my psoriasis is really gone out of control and is gone so sore when I move, its rubbing off all of my clothes now and I can't even wear jeans any more! The appointment was originally supposed to be in September but I couldn't wait that long so I asked my doctor if she could get me an earlier appointment because I'm so sore and flaking EVERYWHERE!! I'm constantly wiping down chairs after myself to make sure I'm not leaving bits of myself behind!
Hopefully they'll be able to do something different for me as I just don't think creams are going to work for me any more!! 


Only 16 days to go now til TRANSFORMERS 3 is released! I can't wait and the trailers look amazing!! I have mammy booked to babysit already because I want to go see it the day its released!


Haven't taken pics of my make up the last few days, been too busy spending time with my 3 boys (well, 4 if you count Rooney!!) but I did finally apply for a driving test the other day! I'm fed up walking everywhere and now I want to be able to drive!!! I have to go get passport photos taken so I'll have to make sure that I spend plenty of time on my hair! ((SNIGGER!!))


Thats all for now, thanks for reading!!! :o)

Brilliant weekend!!!

Today I'm grinning like a cheshire cat......... the sun is shining, I've had 14 nights of sleep without Ryan being stuck in my face and I have a house full of chocolate! But thats not why I'm smiling - its because Avoca WON and WE'RE IN THE FINAL!!!!! We beat the Rocks 2-3 to 1-1 and it was such a tough match!! Some great action pictures here: http://www.wicklowgaaonline.com/index.php/2011/04/camogie-corner-23/  The final is next Sunday 8th May but we're not sure when and what time yet!! Can't wait!!!!  The girls all played brilliantly and I'm so happy and proud to be part of such a great team, can't wait to be back out there playing myself!! I really hope that the girls do well this year, it was so disappointing last year to get to 3 finals and not win any of them but I have a good feeling that this year all the hard work will pay off!!

Tonight Man United are playing the first leg of the Champions League semi final and I hope to god they win! Couple of tough matches coming up but if we beat Arsenal and Chelsea then we win the league!!!!! Woo Woo!!   
Still a week to go before the kids go back to school, feels like they've been off forever at this stage even though its only been 10 days!  At least the weather has been good, Aaron has spent a lot of the time out on his trampoline and he finally got his hair cut last week.  I've been cutting it for ages with the scissors but it used to take an hour every time cos he has so much hair! But he went to 'The Deef' as he calls him and now it looks so much better!!

I'm back up for an appointment with my doctor, Ms Jane Rothwell next Thursday.  I haven't seen her in 6 months, since I had my operation and I owe her a BIG thank you!!

Still feeling very tired these days but I'm looking forward to doing the Mini Marathon in a few weeks if any of you out there want to sponsor me you're more than welcome!! I'm doing it for Arklow Cancer Support Group and Avoca Camogie Club!! I'll crawl it if I have to!!

I haven't done any make up pictures lately because I only have about 10 eyelashes left and I really don't want to have to look at pictures of them because they'll only upset me!! When the kids are back to school next week I'll try do a video and put on some false eyelashes and everything!!

So, thats it for now!! I noticed today that the lads have put me up on the Wicklow News website too so a big thank you to Stephen and Michael for that!! http://www.wicklownews.net/index.php/2011/04/courageous-cancer-sufferer-becomes-online-hit/

Wow Wee!!

Well, my interview appeared in the Evening Herald today and I'm shocked and amazed at the brilliant response I've received!  For anyone who missed it here's the link......... http://www.herald.ie/national-news/brave-mum-is-facing-up-to-cancer-by-sharing-beauty-secrets-in-online-diary-2628103.html I'm really pleased with how the story turned out and all proud of myself!!


So, myself, G and Aaron had a day out in Dublin on Thursday and we had a brilliant day!! First the man in the train station didn't charge us for Aaron, then the lady in the Wax Museum didn't charge him in.  We went to Smyth's and all he wanted was a €1.99 Power Rangers toy.  Then we went into Arnotts after trying all the sports shops for runners in his size.  Your man brought out a pair of black Reeboks with €26 on the box, scanned them in when we were going to pay and it came up as €7.80!! What a lucky day for Aaron!!!  The Wax Museum was a nice experience - the quality of the waxworks wouldn't have been as good as what I remember from the UK one but it was nice to look around and do something different!!  We had great fun on the train - I hadn't been on one in about 10 years and it was lovely and clean and we even got a seat with a table!! Aaron had us in stitches on the way home.... in the wax museum we had seen the Salmon of Knowledge and he had told us that he had learned about it "years ago"! Now myself and G broke out in tears of laughter at this statement, he's such a funny little man!!  Here's a few pictures from our day!!

Freddy Krueger.... there was a hole in the mirror to put your head through so it would be sitting in Freddys hand and I was dying to do it but was afraid my wig would get stuck in it and fall off!!

Stupid eyelashes!!!!!!!

A couple of weeks ago I was freaking out over the last of my eyebrow hairs falling out.  Well that opened up a whole new can of worms because I was so busy staring in the mirror and willing them to grow back quickly that I never noticed about 3/4 of my eyelashes falling out!!!!!!  I really can't believe it!! The first thing I asked the oncologist when she said I'd lose my hair was if my eyelashes would fall out.  She said they probably wouldn't because I wasn't having many sessions of chemo so I was delighted with that but I guess she was wrong!! G reckons its because the roots were all killed off during chemo and they're only falling out now.  I never leave the house without mascara and now I look like a leper altogether!! I don't want to have to go through the hassle of putting on false eyelashes every day because trying to get them on straight is a right pain in the arse!!  Ah well, I've been so preoccupied with my eyelashes I never noticed that the eyebrows are growing back now!!  My hair is coming on great too - there's as much grey as there is black but I'll be able to dye it in no length!

Onto happier subjects............. Ryan has slept all night in his cot for 6 whole nights now and I'm delighted! I always wake up with an awful pain in my back when he's in the bed mostly cos I'm hanging off the edge of the bed!!!  He always ends up stuck to my face with me inhaling his frizzy hair!!  He's like a briar today but he's got a runny nose and probably has a sore throat like the rest of us!!

I'm smiling!!

I'm sitting here watching my 2 boys rolling around the floor swinging out of each other.  I have a headache, a toothache and they're squealing and making a huge mess and racket but you know what?  I couldn't care less!  They are having fun and thats what matters! They're kids and they're supposed to be noisy!  They make me smile when I look at them and make me so happy that I'm here and able to watch and listen to them playing.


Too many people that I know have died recently.  2 friends have lost a parent each to cancer and I found out this morning that a friend from America who was a fabulous make up artist has passed away and it all just makes me glad to be alive.  I hear so many people moaning over such stupid things and don't realise how lucky they are to be healthy and ALIVE and really have nothing to be complaining about!! Oh I've nothing to wear, I hate my job, I wish it was the weekend or whatever, I'm just really sick of hearing it day in and day out!! I haven't complained much over the last 6 months, mostly because I'm just happy that I'm alive and that I won't be leaving my 2 little men or my brilliant husband anytime soon.  I'm walking around most days half asleep because Ryan doesn't seem to sleep at all these days but I don't care, Aaron used to be the very same when he was young and I know he'll eventually start sleeping properly!!  My energy levels are zero and I'd love nothing better than to go asleep for a few hours but its not gonna happen, there's dinners to cook and cleaning up after! I'm married 10 months today and every time I look back at my wedding album I smile - I get a little sad looking at my lovely long hair but I know it'll grow back and be wilder and frizzier than ever!!  We had such a great day and its not something I'm going to forget in a hurry!


We had a great laugh on saturday watching the Grand National..... we had picked a horse each online and Aaron couldn't wait to see his horse on telly.  Of course me and G's horses fell at the first couple of fences but Aaron's was out in front the whole 2 laps of the course and WON!!! We were SCREAMING at the telly for it not to fall and when we checked online later we found out he had won €48.75 for himself!  Must get him to pick the lotto numbers for me next time!! :o) We're bringing him to Dublin on the train next week for a day out so now he'll have plenty of spending money (he might even buy me some make up!!) to buy himself something nice!


Be thankful for the good things in life people, you never know when they can be taken away from you.  Take nothing for granted and live every day as if it was your last!!!!

Hair today.......

I just took some photos of the back of my head to check out the hair growth and I'm very impressed at how quickly its coming back!!

I know I've a long way to go yet but I'm delighted!! 

I haven't been posting much make up lately I know but I just seem to have zero time to myself lately and between going up and down to the school, hospital visits and housework I'm wrecked going around!! I'll try get back into it soon though and do some more exciting and colourful stuff!! I've been putting my cream on my scalp to try get my psoriasis cleared up but my eyebrows are still fairly bad and may get some cream on them too.  My skin is having a really bad flare up at the minute but I just haven't got the time to put the cream on every little patch!! 

I just done a neutral look today, I'm going to go through my eyeshadow drawer this evening and pick out some bright colours for tomorrow!!!

Ryan hasn't been sleeping very well lately, I don't know if its the teeth coming through or what but myself and G are bloody wrecked!! Aaron fell out of the bed last night, I don't know whats he's like at all!! And there's a rail on his bed so you'd think he'd be ok wouldn't you!!

NOW I'm upset!!

When I found out I had cancer, I was upset.  When I found out I'd have to get my boob scooped out like a pumpkin, I was upset but I dealt with it.  When I found out I had to get chemo, I shaved my head before my hair all fell out on me.  I thought my hair was done falling out because a good bit of my hair on my head has actually came back now but yesterday the last of my eyebrow hairs fell out and you know what - it upset me more than any of the other things! I don't really know why but I suppose when the make up comes off I actually look like somebody who has cancer now!!!  I know they'll grow back soon but I just want to get back to normal!  
I went back to camogie training a couple of weeks ago and I'm just permanently shattered now so may just take it easy for another while!!  I suppose I just expected my life to just automatically go back to the way it used to be because for the last 6 months I've tried to keep things as normal as possible, especially for the lads sake and now I think its just all catching up on me!! I think I need a good holiday!!!  

To Write or not to Write!!

So, I'm half thinking of writing a book...... I've read a couple of books by people my age who've gotten breast cancer and I think I'd like to get my story out there too!!  I haven't posted any make up looks in a while but will try get back into it SOON!!  My psoriasis has been acting up lately and my eyebrows and nose look very flaky, team that with my drawn on eyebrows and it just gets me down altogether!!!
My tattoo is all healed up now so I thought I'd post a picture of it!!  Also my hair is coming back big time but you'll have to excuse the flaky scalp, I'm working on getting it cleared up so I can go wigless!!!

My lovely husband turned 31 yesterday so of course I had to make him a cake.......

I call it the "Gutbuster" due to all the calories in it!!! It tasted yummy but you wouldn't be able too eat much!!!  I'll post the recipe if any of you are interested in it!!

Sun is Shining!!!!!

Its great to see the sun shining!!!!  The sick men are now healthy again thank god!!
The St Patricks Day parade was a lot better than it has been the last few years and it stayed dry for a change!  

I'm going back up to hospital on Thursday to see my oncologist so she'll tell me what the next step is so hopefully things will get back to normal fairly soon!!

I went back training last night and really enjoyed myself - didn't overdo it or anything but it was great to get out and do a bit of running.  I didn't even know if I'd be able to swing a hurl any more and although I was a bit rusty I think I'll be ok!!

My hair is coming back more and more every day now, sooner the better I have enough to cover my head and I can stop wearing my wig!!  Aaron was looking at cartoons on TG4 this morning and he was amazed that they were in Irish and he even recognised a few words!!

Right, I'm off to go for a walk while the sun is out!!! Bye Bye!!

Last round of side effects......

Hey there!

Well, I'm on my last round of side effects from chemo, right now my bones are aching and I'm fairly sore but I just keep telling myself that its the last one and soon I'll be back to normal and able to taste my food again!!

So, I had a nice weekend with my 3 men, didn't do much with the bad weather and all but nice to spend some time with them all the same!!

Here's my make up from the last few days!!  Started using Rimmel's 25 hour foundation yesterday and seems to cover my freckles better!!  First couple of pictures are the Boots '17' Palette that Aaron got me for christmas and the 2nd batch are the MAC holiday palette!  I've been using a different eyeshadow on my eyebrows the last couple of days, its a Boots Natural collection one I got and forgot about!! I've also been using a base underneath my brows because they're all over the place now and very patchy!!

So, I've decided that I'm fed up making sure I have something covering my bald head when I answer the front door (especially with this election coming up) and I've been purposely leaving my head bald - its my house after all, if I want to be bald I will - but do you think anyone has called to my door apart from family?? Typical!!  

I'm kinda over being bald at this stage, so I hope it starts to speed up growing!!! I still frighten myself sometimes walking past the mirror because I keep forgetting that I'm bald!!  I try not to look in the mirror if I get up during the night to go to the toilet because I look sooooooo alien and puffy!!

My story so far..........

2010 has been a huge year for me, full of ups and downs........... had a baby, got married, turned 30 and found out I've got cancer, yup!!!  So, on the 1st October 2010I found out that I've got breast cancer. 

Will backtrack a bit to fill in the gaps....

Had a baby in January and breastfed for about 5 weeks.  Found a lump in my right breast around the first week in June (a couple of days before I got married) and went to the doctor to get it checked out.  Was sent to the hospital for an appointment in July and the doctor said that she wanted me to get an ultrasound.  Had to wait a couple of months to get the ultrasound done between work and stuff and went on Wednesday 29th September to get it done.  While having the ultrasound the doctor said that I'd have to come up in about 10 days for results.  Then she said that she had spotted something and that I was to have a mammogram and biopsy.  Had those done and she had the sample brought up to the lab before I had even gotten up off the table so I kinda thought there was something wrong.  While I was getting dressed the doctor came in and told me she wanted me up 2 days later for the results of the biopsy and that I was to bring somebody with me..........

 *****Alarm Bells!!******

Went to work on the Thursday, mainly to keep myself distracted.

I won't forget Friday 1st October in a hurry anyway! G came to the hospital with me on the Friday for the results and in the back of both our minds I think we knew what was coming.  My doctor Ms Rothwell told me that they had tested the biopsy and it showed that I had cancer.  Myself and G just felt like the world was ending.... we grabbed each others hand and I just started crying.  To be honest I didn't hear much of what was said after that, only that I was to come up in a week to get some tests done but it had been caught early and I had a very good chance of being fine.

We both cried the whole way home and phoning our families and friends was one of the worst things we ever had to do. How do you tell people that you're 30 years old and you've got cancer?? It just doesn't seem real!!

A Week Later...

 I'm cool, calm and ready for battle.

I had to have loads of tests done, a liver scan, chest x ray and a bone scan.  All painless thank god!!  The bone scan was so relaxing that i actually fell asleep!  I had to be injected with radio active stuff and go off for a couple of hours to let it spread around my body.  I could leave the hospital while it spread so G brought me to a lovely Italian restaurant for lunch while we were waiting and the 2 hours were up before we knew it.  Went back to the hospital and lay down in a machine which would be able to detect the radioactive material in my body.  It took 33 minutes for the machine to pass over my body and seeing as I hadn't slept a wink the night before with the nerves, I had a little snooze on the table!

The worst part was not being able to go near Aaron and Ryan when I got home.  I had been advised to stay away from them for 24 hours so I had to sleep in the spare room and it was horrible not being able to kiss them goodnight or goodbye the next morning so I had to make up for it big time the next evening!

So, my lovely breast care nurse Gillian phoned me the next day to tell me that the bone scan was clear but there was a sign of trauma in my left knee which is probably the start of arthritis.  Kinda knew it was something like that as I've had nothing but problems with my knee over the years and have had to give up countless sports because of it.  And the doctors and specialists telling me there was nothing wrong with it...... Liars!!!

Another Week Later...

Well, another day spent in hosptial....

Friday 15th October I had my sentinel node biopsy.  Got to the hospital about 9.30am and spent about 45 mins talking through paperwork with a doctor and getting blood taken.  Upstairs then to be injected with radio active stuff again and then a 40 minute wait to get scans taken so they can pinpoint the location of the glands.

My bed in the ward is ready at this stage so we wait a couple of hours to be called for surgery.  My doctor calls in on me to see how I am and tells me she'll see me in surgery (She might have seen me but I didn't see her cos I was unconscious!!).  Go up to theatre about 1pm, get that awful drip in my hand (although I'm well used to that now!!) and last I remember on the clock is 1.15pm. Wake up about 2.45pm and am brought back down to the ward about half an hour later.  I see G sitting outside the wards and being all doped up, say to the nurse "there's my husband!" and I wave over to him and say "i'm still alive!".  He comes in to make sure I'm ok and then the nurse runs him to let me get some sleep.  About 20 minutes later I'm lying there half doped up looking at Sky News when I realise that I'm itchy.  I look at my wrist and there's a huge hive type thing on it.  Looking at my other arm I see the same thing and on my shoulders too.  I call the nurse and at first they look at me arm and say its from the blood pressure machine (???) but then they look at my shoulders and realise that I'm covered in hive type things and huge blue patches.  They tell me they'll get someone down to look at me and I lie there panicking for half an hour til my doctor comes in.  She asks me how I am and I reply "Itchy!" Mainly because I thought it was her that the nurses had called, but they hadn't!  She had a quick look at me then called the nurse in and an anaesthesist was down checking me out 2 minutes later.

He ran through everything that I'd been given and the blue dye was the only thing I'd never had before.  I had agreed to take part in a trial for the hospital you see and was given a blue dye as they're looking for an alternative to the radio active stuff for finding the gland. 

But, typical me, had an allergic reaction to it and the rash spread all down my body.  I looked a bit like smurfette!!  They had also told me that if I got the dye I'd have blue wee, which was kinda cool!!

They gave me an injection in my shoulder to flush out the dye and at this stage G came in.  He hadn't been told anything until my doctor stopped on her way out and told him what was happening so he was a bit pissed off that he wasn't told about my reaction.  An hour or so later most of the rash had gone so they gave me some toast and told me I could go home.  It was almost 6pm at this stage and we were both wrecked!

We took a detour to Pings on the way home for a takeaway and I ate it in bed when I came home, seeing as I couldn't go near my 2 little men again!!

Had blue wee for 24 hours or so, it was like having a blue loo on tap!!

A week later we had the results....

Friday 22nd October

Ms Rothwell was smiling when she called us in so we were delighted to hear that the results were all clear.  So no radiation but I was told I needed a full mastectomy and reconstruction on November 5th.  Ms Rothwell said that they would take a muscle from my back and put it round the front.  I would be losing my nipple and they would use a patch of skin from my back to cover where my nipple had been.  I would be left with a 6 inch scar on my back and because the muscle would be missing from my back I would not have full use of my arm from now on.

7 Days Post Op...

We arrived up at the hospital about 7.10am on Friday 5th November.  Ms Rothwell (who is my hero now!!) came in and drew on me with a marker and explained that the operation would be at least 5 hours or so...... the first stage where they would have me flat on my back and remove the breast tissue, then they would turn me sideways and take the muscle from my back, then sit me up so they could see how the other breast lies and match it as close as possible.  I went down to theatre about quarter to 9 and wasn't brought back to the ward til about half 4 or so!! My doctor had phoned G about 2pm to tell him that it went well and I was just coming around.

Was doped up on morphine and had a pump on my wrist which was great! Looked like crap though and got himself to take a photo to remember it by! He said it was the LONGEST day of his life!!! 

They took the morphine pump off me on Saturday (maybe I had used too much of it, I don't know!!!!) and I wasn't in an awful amount of pain or anything.  Worst part was not being able to stretch or reach for anything!!

By Sunday I was wearing make up again and starting to crack up due to the lack of sleep caused by my octogenerian roomates (nothing against old people, it was just my luck to end up with the moaners, groaners and snorers!!!!).  I had thought I'd be home around Tuesday but there was still too much fliud coming from the 2 drains in my side.  By Wednesday I had started begging to go home where I could be in my own bed and rest as much as I wanted and that I'd come back to get the drains out!  Thursday morning Ms Rothwell came around and she said that I could get the smaller drain out and go home, coming back the next day to get the other one out and to get all my results.  That was the best news I had heard in a long long LONG time!!  I had missed my 2 little men sooo much, never been away from them for longer than a night or 2 so it was music to my ears to hear I could go home to them!!

Getting the drain out was disgusting!!!!  The only way I can describe it is to compare it to pulling on a wet garden hose........ this was the one in my bionic right boob.  While the nurse was pulling it out I lay there shuddering to myself and while it didn't hurt me, it felt absolutely disgusting and can only describe it as one of the worst feelings ever!  But, it meant I could go home and that got me through it!

Was really glad to get home to my little men and while Ryan gave me huge smiles every time I looked at him, Aaron was more interested in playing my DS than being glad to have his mammy home!

Went back up to the hospital the following morning (Friday 12th Nov - 6 weeks to the day I was diagnosed with  breast cancer) and Ms Rothwell explained that they had gotten in all out and the tumour was about 34mm in size - the centre of it was 16mm and it spread out from there and was a grade 3.  She also said that they are still going to give me chemo after christmas to doubly make sure that its all gone, she said that because I'm so young I'd be well able to handle it!!!

21 Days Post Op...

3 weeks after my operation I was doing well, not in an awful lot of pain and doing most things I could do before. Couldn''t lift my arm much higher than my shoulder but was getting better by the day!

Went back up to hospital a week later to get the fluid drained from my back............ uuuugh!!!! It wasn't painful but horrible all the same! Yucky, horrible feeling and as for the sound of the fluid getting sucked out........ Eeeew!!

Was back up again then to meet my oncologist (not sure if I spelled that right!) who's name is Janice Walshe and she filled me in on the size of the tumour, that it had been feeding on my estrogen since my periods had started at 15 and that I would have to take tablets for the next 5 years that will shut down my ovaries and  advised me that I would need to get 4 rounds of chemo, once every 3 weeks just to make sure that they had gotten all the tumour.  She said that my hair would start to fall out a couple of weeks after my first treatment which would be on Dec 17th so myself and Josephine decided to organise a sponsored headshave!! I had said from the start that if I needed chemo I didn't want to wait for my hair to fall out and I would shave it off! I said that I would split the money between the local Cancer Support Group here in Arklow and my Camogie team!! Decided to tell Aaron that my hair was going to be falling out and he got very upset........ he's just like me though, he's able to deal with things if you explain it to him!! Now he tells me that I'm beautiful bald, he's such a little lick!!!!!

Chemotherapy

ROUND 1:

So, I started chemo a week before Christmas.  Chemo itself took over 7 hours because I had a reaction to it!  Couldn't breathe, sharp pains in my back, got all dizzy and went beetroot!! When I got home I felt like I had been hit by a bus then to make it worse Ryan was very sick and ended up in hospital with pneumonia so it was just me and Aaron, I couldn't go to the hospital because of all the infections I could pick up so G had to go with him, I never felt so useless in my life!!  Thank god he was let home after 2 days but it was nearly 3 because it took so long for them to get home from the hospital in the snow!!  I never felt worse than I did for 5 or 6 days, could hardly get off the sofa or do anything for myself....... food tasted like cardboard and the only things that tasted normal were Romantica, Chocolate Kimberleys and Coke!!  You have to get an injection 24 hours after chemo which builds white blood cells but it causes awful bone pain so that was horrible too!! Takes about a week to have any energy and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!!

ROUND 2:

Chemo took 4 hours.  Afterwards was the same as first time more or less minus Ryan's hospital trip!!  Stuck to the sofa for the best part of a week with mammy looking after me, Aaron and Ryan!

ROUND 3:

Flew it this time...only 2 and a half hours! Was actually very surprised that I was ok, a bit tired but no lying around on the sofa and even managed to get out for a walks to Tesco!  Not as much pain from the bone shaker as I now call it but still a few pains here and there!

ROUND 4: 

2 and a half hours again yesterday!!  Felt fairly tired but had a good sleep and even brought Aaron to school this morning!!

Thanks for reading!!